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  I have been experiencing something deeply disturbing and real, since I was about three years old. It began as my awakening crying so loud that both of my parents would rush into my bedroom, and hold me crying, while I would try to describe this “nightmare.” I couldn’t. Ever. But what I felt I never shared. It was like this big hand was right over me, and then the thumb would press or paralyze me. Worse yet, I always believed it was going to hurt my dad. Being the youngest of four, and “the best mistake they ever made,” my parents are my everyything. This was a reoccurring “nightmare” for years, but only as a tot. Then in college at about 19 years old, I experieced a similar feeling. I was at a fellow bartender’s apt after working a Suday day shift,,,we were exhausted from a long weekend of working and partying. I was sitting on her floor eating m & m’s and dozed off. But it was different. I felt my head almost flow and sink…a good yet scary feeling. I let myself go w/ it. The next thing I knew I felt a presence holding me down. I knew it was dark, yet in some strange and manipulative way, it had undertones of feeling good. Then it’s like I woke up and came to my senses….NO! Get away from this…WO! I couldn’t move. It took all I had to pull out of it and I did. That was then end of that again for years. Upon moving to California in 1999, it started again, but this time as something very real. No gray area. I had just moved into a guest apt. in the Hollywood Hills. It started there and rarely stopped. On any given night while drifting into sleep, lying on my back, a presence would hover w/in inches of my face, chest…body. It had me pinned down and definitely wanted what I had. I felt in meld into my physical body and to be truthful, I felt completely out of control and always went with it at first as it almost felt good. THEN, my spiritual soul would shake me to the core and shake me into breaking loose. I would break free and sit straight up in bed…pray, and go back to sleep on my side. I have so much moe to share but must go to bed. I have always been close to God….no doubt. I believe these “entities” try hardest w/ the purest of heart and energy, because they won’t let go of the flesh….especially when we are alone, tired and most vulnerable. Long story short, I hasn’t happened to me since Jan. 2004, as I made a concious effort to rebuke this…fear based. Also, ever since I moved in w/ my Scottish boyfriend in late 2001, it hasn’t happend….until about a week ago…..just a shortlived heaviness, I fought it and was able to fight it off and role over on my side. I woke my now husband to relate the experience and I was as terrified as ever. It’s still around, just waiting for a window. I don’t fear it, but I wonder what it all means?? My friend, who happens to be a HUGE video director w/ some of the most beautiful darkness, told me his mother has expereinced the same thing for years. I am wide awake and can see all around me but this presence is holding me down. Once and only once I heard a demonic laugh at the same time. Another time I saw a demonic face in the ceiling, half green – half black, laughing in a psychotic fashion. I finally was able to sit up and yell, ‘IN JESUS’ NAME I REBUKE YOU!” It worked and last week was the closest it’s ever come to happening again. I know we live with spiritual warfare all around…..but what does this mean??? Thank you. Mopar

  Comment by mopar82 — June 22, 2008 @ 6:49 am

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